Poles, parking, and psychos

I'm a horrible parker. I can drive through black ice, hydroplane without panicking, drive for hours and hours and hours without stopping. But parking.... Parking is not my forte. 2 hours after my mom bought a brand new car in 1999, I drove that thing right into the garage wall. In 2000, when I was late to work during my short stint at the Gold Nugget Casino, I ripped the mirror right off of my dad's truck and sent it flying into the neighbors yard. In 2002, I hit a pole in my dad's new car while looking at colleges. It's always been a problem for me.

So, two days ago, when I was leaving the gym at around 7:00 am, it's not surprising that I bashed into a concrete pole in the parking garage. Now, given my history, some may think that this was an act of carelessness, however, I have a valid excuse for hitting that pole. As I waited patiently to step into the elevator to the parking garage, my mind was drifting off. I was thinking about what I had to do that day, my current job prospects, and the way my legs felt like spaghetti after a brutal workout. When the elevator went *DING* and people started filing out a nice middle age woman stepped out first. I was blocking her way so I stepped to the left. She stepped to the left. I stepped to the right to avoid a collision. She stepped to the right. I've been in situations like this before...usually the out come is a chuckle between both parties or a cliche comment like, "You wanna dance?"

Imagine my surprise when instead of a pleasant encounter with this stranger and a brief laught at our inability to manuever around eachother, she puts her face two inches from mine and shouts, "JESUS F&*%ING CHRIST" Holy Crap, what a psycho! this nice looking middle aged woman trying to maintain her figure by working out in the mornings goes postal on me. I'm thinking, "Jeez, if a simple encounter like that can make her take the Lord's name in vain with such disdain, I wonder what it would take for her to shank me???" That was my cue to get the hell out of there.

I hurried into the elevator and to Ginger, my old reliable wagon. As I backed up, I scanned the parking lot for the elevator psycho, being careful to look between cars and behind concrete poles.....During my escape, I did not happen to see the large concrete pole in my blind site.

CRUNCH!!!!!!

Now, my steering column is bent, my radiator is leaking, and Ginger is crying her little eyes out at some auto shop down the street....All because of that Elevator Psycho.

When Matt and I took Ginger to the shop we spoke with "Frank" an Asian man with broken English. Here's a synopsis of how that convo went...

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Matt: Hi, we were hoping you could take a look at our Subaru Outback. I think the Steering column is bent...

Frank: How you bend steering column?

Matt: Well, uhh, my girlfriend hit a pole

Frank: What, how she bend steering column with pole?? How fast she going?

Matt: I'm not sure, but the alignment is really off.

Frank: Ok. We take look

Matt: Also, the radiator is leaking...

Frank: Ok.

Matt: And, I think the rear brakes need replacing. I heard some metal grinding on my way here.

Frank: (concerned voice) Metal grinding? From hitting pole?

Matt: Uhhh, no, they just need to be replaced.

Frank: Okay (Money Signs in his eyes)

Matt: And you might as well change the oil. I don't think she's had an oil change in about 2 years...

Frank: You may want to just upgrade yo car. Put all this money in old car, not worth it. Maybe if you upgrade yo girlfriend you don't need to upgrade car.

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Okay, maybe I exagerated this conversation a bit at the end, but I swear that's what Frank was thinking.